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The Dowry Devil
By Rahul M
From times immemorial, it has been the custom in the Hindu society, for the bride, immediately after her marriage, to leave her parent's abode and go to live with here husband, be it with his parents or away from them, often it is with his parents. At any rate, she is not going to live with her parents. It is therefore but natural to give here generous gifts in token of their love and affection. These gifts precious thing and essential commodities will help the newly wed to start their life without much difficulty. That is the reason why even the invitees offer presentations. But, as times change, some of these will conceived customs lose their good intentions and became meaningless rituals, blindly adhered to, both in foul weather and in fair weather. Sati and early marriages are two such well meant customs introduced out of historical compulsions, which, finally, outliving their purpose, became heinous crimes and hated habits. But luckily, these two have become, more or less, things of the past, thanks to the social awareness and the pioneering work done by great people like Raja Ram Mohan Roy.
But the dowry system, which is still practiced in every section of the society has become a matter of shame to the community in general and a curse both to the giver and the receiver. The dowry is given no longer voluntarily nor it is purely out of love and good will for their daughter, for her new married life. Now the recipients of the dowry are the groom, and his parents, demanding as a matter of right, which had become a symbol of status. The more the dowry, the more the respect the bride commands in her new place; in other words the less the dowry, the more the humiliation she has to put up with. Again this is not a once for all matter; for years the groom will remain a new 'son in law' - like Shakespeare's Cleopatra, his demands increasing with every festival that comes year after year be it Pongal, Deepavali, or new year's day the ' Maapillai' ( son in law ) must get his due - gold ring, wrist watch, scooter, TV the list is endless. That is why the son in law is called the tenth planet - Jaamaatha Dasamam Graham. ( The planets if they are well aspected bring good; when they are ill aspected, cause miseries.
Everyday we see news of dowry in the papers. Sometimes they take the garb of accidental deaths. According to the opinion of an eminent doctor, more than sixty per cent of these accidental deaths, caused in the kitchen are premeditated cold blooded murders committed by the mother in law and other in laws of the victim, often with the consent of her husband. Sometimes these deaths are due to the failure of the bride's father to keep his promise made at the time of the marriage. In his anxiety to get his daughter married, he would make all sorts of promises hoping that he would be able to keep, but finally after the marriage, he would find it impossible to mobilize the resources and so would postpone. But whatever or whoever is responsible for such a sad state, the problem is real, and it demands the immediate attention of every well meaning individual.
It is really difficult for a parent to get a groom without dowry for his daughter. There are fixed surging with the education of the boy. A matriculate has price tag for Rs. 10,000 a graduate for Rs. 25,000 and a doctor or an engineer for anything beyond Rs.50,000. If he is an officer like the IAS, it is more or less an auction, only the highest bidder can bring the hammer down.
Marriage is a universal phenomenon here in our society and no respectable man would like to see his daughter remain single, nor does a woman like to opt for such a life even if it is trouble free and attractive. We are both religiously and emotionally unprepared for such a life. No matter what problems it may pose or what constraints it may offer, every self respecting man would like to see his daughter well settled in married life. Besides, to have an aged daughter remaining unmarried is a source of constant humiliation to the parents, leave alone the pricks of conscience. Even for the daughter, it cannot be anything other than social segregation and a life of indignities.
We see women occupying positions of authority in all walks of life and they prove beyond doubt, that they are in no way inferior to men, if not better. In certain areas like teaching, though men out number them they outside their counter parts. But when it comes to the question of married life, they behave as if they comes to the question of married life, they behave as if they are devoid of intelligence and submit themselves to every type of harassment meekly, like sheep. Often the major role in the horror play goes to the mother in law, who perhaps, in her day, had undergone similar treatment. And the son, in his irrational greed for easy money becomes utterly blind to the sufferings of his dear wife or the difficulties of his helpless father in law.
There is an awareness now that this has grown beyond proportion and therefore needs a surgical treatment. When 'child marriages' was at the height of its practice, the government came out with Sarada Act. Now child marriages are things of the past, though it is certainly not wholly because of the Sarada Act. Likewise the governments' declaration that it is against the government servant' conduct rules to offer or accept dowry, may act as a deterrent for dowry (as is done in Uttar Pradesh and Punjab) but may not do much to dilute the problem. But whatever the government does or does not do, its effects will always be marginal. Besides attempting to eradicate social evils such as this it must create an awareness among all the people concerned - not only in the society in general, but also in the three major participants, the bride, her father and the groom. No father who is interested in the well being of his daughter would refuse to do what all he can for her sake. It is true, that in our society, daughter takes a secondary status; it is because we believe that it is the son and not the daughter, that will look after us in our old age. As long as this notion real or imaginary - remains, the problem will linger. A daughter should definitely get a right to family property, but that should not be without her duties and obligations to her parents. But every daughter should sincerely convince herself that she is not like the two elder daughters of King Lear, Regan or Goneril who declared their unparalleled love of their father. After they got their share of the kingdom, they belied the hopes of their father. And the groom for his part, should resist the temptation to accept this easy money which is soiled with the tears of a helpless person. It will not speak well of him if he becomes a party to extract or if his bride, like him, is an earning member.
Old habits die hard and old people are difficult to change. And as long as they remain conservative, they go on demanding the dowry. The obedient son will not have the courage to stand up and oppose his loving parents. Under standing, charity and compassion will become empty words in the end. The only person that can do something real to eradicate this evil is the bride herself. She must in clear and unambiguous terms, state that she will not marry as long as dowry is demanded. But how many of our young women can do it, even if they are employed and financially sound, in this unsympathetic society of ours? We talk of great things like Brahman, Atma and Soul; but when it comes to practice, we behave as if we have neither minds to think nor hearts to feel.
It is not to suggest that this evil will remain forever in our society. It will certainly vanish, like the 'early marriages', but not in the immediate future. No society will remain stagnant; for good or for bad it will change, and ours too will change, when all of us realize that this is an evil - an evil that should be eradicated. We are only in twilight - only at the threshold of realizing that it is bad. When the darkness vanishes, the devil too dies with it. Meanwhile, young men and women with progressive outlook can form into anti dowry associations and carry the mantle forward, to usher in that day of hope and happiness.
Rahul M is a freelance writer and has written content for several web & print media projects.
Love SMS
Funny SMS
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Rahul_M
By Rahul M
From times immemorial, it has been the custom in the Hindu society, for the bride, immediately after her marriage, to leave her parent's abode and go to live with here husband, be it with his parents or away from them, often it is with his parents. At any rate, she is not going to live with her parents. It is therefore but natural to give here generous gifts in token of their love and affection. These gifts precious thing and essential commodities will help the newly wed to start their life without much difficulty. That is the reason why even the invitees offer presentations. But, as times change, some of these will conceived customs lose their good intentions and became meaningless rituals, blindly adhered to, both in foul weather and in fair weather. Sati and early marriages are two such well meant customs introduced out of historical compulsions, which, finally, outliving their purpose, became heinous crimes and hated habits. But luckily, these two have become, more or less, things of the past, thanks to the social awareness and the pioneering work done by great people like Raja Ram Mohan Roy.
But the dowry system, which is still practiced in every section of the society has become a matter of shame to the community in general and a curse both to the giver and the receiver. The dowry is given no longer voluntarily nor it is purely out of love and good will for their daughter, for her new married life. Now the recipients of the dowry are the groom, and his parents, demanding as a matter of right, which had become a symbol of status. The more the dowry, the more the respect the bride commands in her new place; in other words the less the dowry, the more the humiliation she has to put up with. Again this is not a once for all matter; for years the groom will remain a new 'son in law' - like Shakespeare's Cleopatra, his demands increasing with every festival that comes year after year be it Pongal, Deepavali, or new year's day the ' Maapillai' ( son in law ) must get his due - gold ring, wrist watch, scooter, TV the list is endless. That is why the son in law is called the tenth planet - Jaamaatha Dasamam Graham. ( The planets if they are well aspected bring good; when they are ill aspected, cause miseries.
Everyday we see news of dowry in the papers. Sometimes they take the garb of accidental deaths. According to the opinion of an eminent doctor, more than sixty per cent of these accidental deaths, caused in the kitchen are premeditated cold blooded murders committed by the mother in law and other in laws of the victim, often with the consent of her husband. Sometimes these deaths are due to the failure of the bride's father to keep his promise made at the time of the marriage. In his anxiety to get his daughter married, he would make all sorts of promises hoping that he would be able to keep, but finally after the marriage, he would find it impossible to mobilize the resources and so would postpone. But whatever or whoever is responsible for such a sad state, the problem is real, and it demands the immediate attention of every well meaning individual.
It is really difficult for a parent to get a groom without dowry for his daughter. There are fixed surging with the education of the boy. A matriculate has price tag for Rs. 10,000 a graduate for Rs. 25,000 and a doctor or an engineer for anything beyond Rs.50,000. If he is an officer like the IAS, it is more or less an auction, only the highest bidder can bring the hammer down.
Marriage is a universal phenomenon here in our society and no respectable man would like to see his daughter remain single, nor does a woman like to opt for such a life even if it is trouble free and attractive. We are both religiously and emotionally unprepared for such a life. No matter what problems it may pose or what constraints it may offer, every self respecting man would like to see his daughter well settled in married life. Besides, to have an aged daughter remaining unmarried is a source of constant humiliation to the parents, leave alone the pricks of conscience. Even for the daughter, it cannot be anything other than social segregation and a life of indignities.
We see women occupying positions of authority in all walks of life and they prove beyond doubt, that they are in no way inferior to men, if not better. In certain areas like teaching, though men out number them they outside their counter parts. But when it comes to the question of married life, they behave as if they comes to the question of married life, they behave as if they are devoid of intelligence and submit themselves to every type of harassment meekly, like sheep. Often the major role in the horror play goes to the mother in law, who perhaps, in her day, had undergone similar treatment. And the son, in his irrational greed for easy money becomes utterly blind to the sufferings of his dear wife or the difficulties of his helpless father in law.
There is an awareness now that this has grown beyond proportion and therefore needs a surgical treatment. When 'child marriages' was at the height of its practice, the government came out with Sarada Act. Now child marriages are things of the past, though it is certainly not wholly because of the Sarada Act. Likewise the governments' declaration that it is against the government servant' conduct rules to offer or accept dowry, may act as a deterrent for dowry (as is done in Uttar Pradesh and Punjab) but may not do much to dilute the problem. But whatever the government does or does not do, its effects will always be marginal. Besides attempting to eradicate social evils such as this it must create an awareness among all the people concerned - not only in the society in general, but also in the three major participants, the bride, her father and the groom. No father who is interested in the well being of his daughter would refuse to do what all he can for her sake. It is true, that in our society, daughter takes a secondary status; it is because we believe that it is the son and not the daughter, that will look after us in our old age. As long as this notion real or imaginary - remains, the problem will linger. A daughter should definitely get a right to family property, but that should not be without her duties and obligations to her parents. But every daughter should sincerely convince herself that she is not like the two elder daughters of King Lear, Regan or Goneril who declared their unparalleled love of their father. After they got their share of the kingdom, they belied the hopes of their father. And the groom for his part, should resist the temptation to accept this easy money which is soiled with the tears of a helpless person. It will not speak well of him if he becomes a party to extract or if his bride, like him, is an earning member.
Old habits die hard and old people are difficult to change. And as long as they remain conservative, they go on demanding the dowry. The obedient son will not have the courage to stand up and oppose his loving parents. Under standing, charity and compassion will become empty words in the end. The only person that can do something real to eradicate this evil is the bride herself. She must in clear and unambiguous terms, state that she will not marry as long as dowry is demanded. But how many of our young women can do it, even if they are employed and financially sound, in this unsympathetic society of ours? We talk of great things like Brahman, Atma and Soul; but when it comes to practice, we behave as if we have neither minds to think nor hearts to feel.
It is not to suggest that this evil will remain forever in our society. It will certainly vanish, like the 'early marriages', but not in the immediate future. No society will remain stagnant; for good or for bad it will change, and ours too will change, when all of us realize that this is an evil - an evil that should be eradicated. We are only in twilight - only at the threshold of realizing that it is bad. When the darkness vanishes, the devil too dies with it. Meanwhile, young men and women with progressive outlook can form into anti dowry associations and carry the mantle forward, to usher in that day of hope and happiness.
Rahul M is a freelance writer and has written content for several web & print media projects.
Love SMS
Funny SMS
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Rahul_M
